I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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