I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
