I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
