Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
