I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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