like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
