Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
