Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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