I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
