If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
