Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
