so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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