I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
