i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
