i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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