Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
