she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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