The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Randomize
