i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
