just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
