I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
