About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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