I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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