He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
