I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
