i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
