Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
