How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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