I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
