oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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