Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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