you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
