Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
