If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
