That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
