Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
