went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
