I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
my poor anus
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
