New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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