it was like his penis was on wheels.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just pee around me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
