Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
