My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think pants incapable of making pants work
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
