at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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