She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
