called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
