I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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