i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
