im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
