omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
