What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
