Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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