Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
40s are totally the cure
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
